How to Attain Victory Over Anger

What does it mean to live in a family?   You have certain obligation to fulfill your duty. What is your duty?  You fulfill your duties properly, whether the wife listens, does not listen, whether the son listens, does not listen, whether brother listens,  does not listen,  whether parents listen,  do not listen.  Do not ever look towards whether they do their duty or not.   When you look towards their duty, thinking  that he does not become arrogant and rebellious, during such times you are deviating from your duty, you are falling from your duty.  As such, where has it been said that your duty is to see towards other's faults?   No where in the scriptures it has been said that you see towards other's faults; rather it has been said that this world is made up of the three constituents of nature (mode of passion "rajas", ignorance "tamas" and goodness "sattva",  it is filled with faults. 

Sanahu taat maayaa gun aru dosh anek  |

Gun yah ubhaya na dekhiahin dekhia so abibek ||

(Manas 7/41)

If others have good qualities you may see them,  but do not see their bad qualities.   If you see towards their bad qualities,  those qualities will come in you and on seeing those bad qualities if you are getting angry to save them from their willful acts, then you cannot be saved from that anger.   Therefore you do your duty.  We are not see towards other's duty, nor are we to see towards their flaws and faults.   Yes!  If you have a son, then it is your duty to teach him good lessons,  but wanting that he should do exactly as you say -  that is not your duty.  That is his duty.   It is not your duty to show him what his duty is.   Your duty is only to say that brother,  look it is not good to do like this.   If he says -  "no, no father,  I will do it like this";  then say – "OK,  do it that way!"  This is a very good medicine.  I too am taking this medicine.  The medicine that has been given, is a very effective medicine.   If you say – "Do like this"  and if he says,  "No !  I will do like that only."   Then simply say – "OK! do it like that." 

Rajjab ros na kijiye koyi kahe kyon hi |

Hasker utter dijiye haa babaji yu hi ||

If it is sinful or unlawful then do not accept it.  We are to say according to the scriptures and if they do not listen then do the scriptures say to fight with them?  Or to control them?  You only have the rights to tell them what you know to be true -  "karmanyavaadhikaaraste"  (Gita 2/47)  but thinking that they should do exactly as you say  - that is the fruit,  to which you have no rights.  "Maa phaleshu kadaachan"  (Gita 2/47).   You have done your part,  your duty was only to tell.  It was not your duty to make then do as you said !  To do as you say is their duty.  We only have to explain their duty.  If they fulfill their duty then there is no obstacle in your spiritual progress and if they do not fulfill their duty then too there is no loss. There is no loss for you at all,  because you have said what is for their welfare.  This is a priceless point !   

Narayana!  Narayana !! Narayana !!! 

From book in english "Art of Living" by Swami Ramsukhdasji

How to Attain Victory Over Anger

Give up that pride.   Now what is the solution for giving it up?  Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are swelling your pride -  are you getting this point or not?  The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don't do as you say.  For you own good, the more that your pride is confronted the more better it is for you.   Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for our own well-being.  

If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you  because it is for your own good,  so that your pride will go away,  then too it is to your benefit only.   They are not further boosting your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated.  Do you wish for your own good or do you not?   Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall?  If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride.  And you will become free of pride when no one listens to you.  If someone listens to you, then your words become firmly rooted and this itself is cause for pride.  This itself is demonaic tendency -  "dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah"  (Gita 16/4).  Therefore those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely.  They are removing your demonaic tendencies and instilling divine tendencies in you. 

Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant.  By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent -  now think deeply on these two points.   Regardless of whether you are there or not, by doing as he wants he will become insolent, but how will your pride go away?  Insolent he will be regardless of you,  but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost. 

Second point is that if you do not dominate over him then your mild nature, that is free from pride will make an impression on him,  by which he will not become insolent,  he will become alright.  You say to him that brother, you must not do this sort of work, then too if he does so, then become peaceful and silent.   Because if he is insolent then he will get the consequences of his actions.  On getting the fruits, he will become alert,  and then his insolence will automatically go away.  But by your persistent telling, his insolence will not go away as quickly as it will go away from suffering the consequences of his insolent behavior; The reason for this is that in his mind he will hold on to his own points, and what you say will stay superficially on the surface like silver plating.  That plating will wear off, then how can his insolence go away entirely?   The real solution to getting rid of his insolence is to get rid of your own pride.   

If man wants to live in a family, then he must learn how to live in a family.  The art of living in the family is that do as they say,  do according what their wishes are.  Fulfill your duty and make them happy.        (to be continued)

From book in english "Art of Living" by Swami Ramsukhdasji

How to Attain Victory Over Anger

Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting, then tracking becomes very easy.  Similarly there is a main point, the essence of every question,  and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically  come to you. 

The question that has come is that how to attain victory over anger?  Then the question is, where does anger come from?  Gita says -   "Anger comes from desire"   -  "kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate"  (Gita 2/62).What is that anger?   Human beings have understood that "desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc."  -  These are also desires, but what is the main and real desire?  "This should happen and this should not happen"  - the name of this feeling within,  is called "desire". 

First you  hold on to the point that "this should certainly happen"  and when that does not happen, then you become angry.  "This should not happen"  and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry.   This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger.

There is no gain in desiring that this should happen like this, or it should not happen like this;  because will the world ask us before doing something?  Will they do according to our liking?   You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you?   If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that " I will do it this way or not do it this way"  then how will they only listen to you?   When you too are not willing to listen to how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways?  Therefore when the feeling arises within that  "This should happen like this and it should not happen like this"  - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone.  In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater,  therefore he should listen to me.  This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen like that, then pride itself comes in the form of anger. 

If you desire peace then give up pride;  because pride is the root of all the demonaic qualities.  In the shadow of pride of greatness lies all the demonaic qualities of Kaliyug,  All the bad qualities pertaining to demonaic qualities such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc.,  they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king.   If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away!  Therefore give up that pride.  (to be continued)

From book in english "Art of Living" by Swami Ramsukhdasji

Art of living in this world

 

Respect your mother-father, mother-in-law and father–in-law, serve them,  honor them, then this will have an influence and affect on your children.   They too will serve you in old age.  But if do not do so, if you will not serve your elders, then the same impressions will be imprinted on the children.  Their nature too will be the same.  Your body  will not remain the same at all times.  If you are alive, then your body will certainly become old.  At that time, they will not serve you, and then you will say that he does not look after me.  He does not listen to me.  Now !  have you listened to your elders?  How much have you served them?  And now you are expecting from them?  Therefore behave and conduct yourself well. Now-a-days mothers and fathers expose their children to bad habits.  They give tea to young children.  The young children these days cannot even drink milk.  If a little bit of cream is floating on top of the milk, they shirk.  It is a very surprising thing.  I remember in childhood that the milk had floating drops on the surface.  We can hardly see any stars (drops of clarified butter) in it, now!   Nowadays, who can drink "ghee"  (clarified butter)!  They do not have the courage! They cannot even have cream.  They are drinking tea instead.   Ram !   Ram !  Ram ! With tea your head is destroyed.  You cannot sleep !  Your health is ruined, your eyes are ruined.  Medicines do not work, and in return it costs more.  This is the state of affairs!  Therefore brothers ! Do not do like this.  Take care of the cows, protect them. Whatever village you are from,  if famine strikes, spend money for the protection of the cows there, then it will be a very good thing.   You keep a motor car for polluting, then why can't you keep a cow?  You adopt and take care of a dog,  then why can't you take care of a cow?  O'  Dear Lord !  The Lord of Kaliyug ! You have shown us a strange "lila" divine play !  This is the present state of affairs.  (to be continued)

From book in english "Art of Living" by Swami Ramsukhdasji

Art of living in this world

(continued) There was a time cow's milk was strained before drinking to avoid any cow's fur coming in the milk.  Milk is given with much pleasure by the cow,  but if cow experiences pain or suffering (due to fur or udder getting pulled) then blood may come out. Some say that if the fur is pulled what is the big deal?   Even if a little bit of the fur is pulled, then the cow will suffer.  That which is taken from from another person by causing pain and suffering, is very harmful.  The bride's family should be told  -  we will not take any money, rather we will only take your daughter - "kanya-daan". Accepting a daughter is also a form of charity, rather it is a great charity.  Why does one take a daughter in as charity?  If we take a daughter in as charity, than later on the Lord will give us a daughter,  so we too will give a daughter as charity.  It is customary that the things received  from the bride's family should not be hoarded, it must be used and it must be distributed to Brahmins etc. Just as when we get sweets they are distributed to all, similarly, these should not remain in the house.   By doing so, there is no debt on us and all become happy.   After marriage if anything comes from the wife's family and if the mother-in-law and others criticize saying what have they sent?  When the bride hears this, she feels sad.  Who would like to hear the criticism about their own mother?  By hearing the criticism about one's mother, one is sad and there is some level of suffering.   Later on when she becomes the queen of the household, she will do as she pleases.  Therefore be affectionate towards her now,  be friendly,  and keep her happy.  Combine whatever comes from her parent's home, with what you have and distribute to others.   Tell others that lot of these things have come from the girl's family.  By doing so, the bride's mother will get recognition and it will make the bride very happy.   You say that all this costs money, but by a few additional rupees, the person will become our very own.  The bride will become yours. She will become yours forever.  By these simple acts if someone becomes yours,  then is that an expensive proposition?  It will cost very little!  Think deeply about this !  The relation will be good, and love in the family will also increase.   She too will be happy, that my mother-in-law has praised my mother.   But if a lot of money was spent at the weddings, the impression of that will remain for a life-time.  Therefore brithers!  Sacrifice a bit, the fruits of that will be very great.  The things that have been received, use them properly. Boys and girls are well provided for, they have been given good education.   Let good sentiments and feelings develop within them,  let good qualities and good behavior be developed.  You have the time to earn money, but what are the children doing, how are they being raised?  What are they learning, you pay little attention to these things.  O'  brothers !  this is true wealth.  What a great thing it is if this person becomes a great man !  As man great souls that have come about,  their mothers were very good.  The children of such great mothers have been very good. They have become saints and great souls.  Mother's nature comes in the child, therefore mothers should want that their children get good training and learning.   But the lessons she teaches are opposite.  She teaches the daughter to keep her money with her.  If there is a separation then that money can come to the daughter. She teaches things like,  why should you work in the house,  let that be the work of the mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  Do not work!  Now surely there will be quarrels and bickering.  If the daughter-in-law that comes into your household has learnt such lessons, then she too will do the same and not work.  Then you will say that my daughter-in-law does not do any work.  If you do good, then it will be good for you.  If you do bad, then it will be bad for you.  "Kali you hai is haath de, us haath le,  kyaa khoob saudaa nagad hai!"               (to be continued)

From book in english "Art of Living" by Swami Ramsukhdasji