|| Shri Hari ||

How to Overcome Anger

continued.......

Sanahu taat maayaa gun aru dosh anek

Gun yah ubhaya na dekhiahin dekhia so abibek ||

(Manasa 7/41)

If others have good qualities you may see them, but do not see their bad qualities. If you see towards their bad qualities, those qualities will come in you. And on seeing those bad qualities, if you are getting angry at them, for their willful acts, then you cannot be saved from that anger. Therefore, do your duty. We are not to see towards other’s duty, nor are we to see towards their flaws. Yes! If you have a son, then it is your duty to teach him good lessons, but wanting that he should do exactly as you say - that is not your duty. That is his duty. It is not your duty to show him his duty. Your duty is only to say that son, look it is not good to do like this. If he says - “no, no father, I will do it like this”; then say – “OK, do it that way!” This is a very good medicine. I too am taking this medicine. The medicine that has been given, is a very effective medicine. If you say – “Do like this” and if he says, “No ! I will do like that only.” Then simply say – “OK! do it like that.”

Rajjab ros na kijiye koyi kahe kyon hi |

Hasker utter dijiye haa babaji yu hi ||

If what he is doing is sinful or unlawful, then do not accept it. We are to say that which is in accordance with the scriptures, however if they do not listen, then do the scriptures say to fight with them or to control them? You only have the rights to tell them what you know to be true -

“karmanyavaadhikaaraste” (Gita 2/47),

But you have no right to think that they should do exactly as you say -

“Maa phaleshu kadaachan” (Gita 2/47).

You have done your part, your duty was only to point out. It is not your duty to make them do as you say! To do as you say is their duty. We only have to explain their duty. If they fulfill their duty then there is no obstacle in your spiritual progress and if they do not fulfill their duty then too there is no loss. There is no loss for you at all, because you have told them what is for their supreme good. This is a priceless point !

Narayan !    Narayan  !!     Narayan !!!

‒ From book “Art of Living” in English  by Swami Ramsukhdasji

|| Shri Hari ||

How to Overcome Anger

continued.......

those who do not listen to you, they are gracing you immensely. They are removing your demoniac traits and instilling divine traits in you. Now the question that has come is that by not listening the child will become insolent and arrogant? By listening to you, you will become filled with pride, and if he does not listen then he will become insolent - now think deeply on these two points. If you are not there, then too by doing as he wants he will become insolent regardless, however, how will your pride go away? Insolent he will be regardless of you, but your pride will not go away. Therefore you must get rid of your pride first and the foremost. Second point is that if you do not dominate over him then your mild nature, that is free from pride will make an impression on him, by which his insolence will go away, rather he will become alright. You say to him that brother, you must not do this sort of work, and even thereafter, if he does so, let go and become peaceful and silent. If he behaves insolently, he will get the consequences of his actions. On getting the fruits, he will become alert, and then his insolence will automatically go away. But by your persistent telling, his insolence will not go away as quickly as it would go away from suffering the consequences of his insolent behavior. The reason for this is that in his mind he will hold on to his own points, and what you say will stay superficially on the surface like silver plating. That plating will wear off, then how can his insolence go away entirely? The real solution to getting rid of his insolence is to get rid of his pride.

If man wants to live in a family, then he must learn how to live in a family. The art of living in the family is that -  Do as they say, do according to their wishes. Fulfill your duty and make them happy. What does it mean to live in a family? You have certain obligation to fulfill your duty. What is your duty? To fulfill your duties properly, whether the wife listens, does not listen, whether the son listens, does not listen, whether brother listens, does not listen, whether parents listen, do not listen. Do not ever look towards whether they do their duty or not. When you look towards their duty, and see towards their insolent or rebellious behavior etc., during such times you are deviating from your duty. Rather, you are falling from your duty. As such, where has it been said that your duty is to see towards other’s faults?   No where in the scriptures it has been said that you see towards other’s faults; rather it has been said that this world is made up of the three constituents of nature (mode of passion “rajas”, ignorance “tamas” and goodness “sattva”, it is filled with faults.

to be continued...............

‒ From book “Art of Living” in English  by Swami Ramsukhdasji

|| Shri Hari ||

How to Overcome Anger

continued.......

If you desire peace then give up pride; because pride is the root of all the demoniac traits. In the shadow of pride of greatness, lies all the demoniac qualities of Kaliyug. All the bad qualities pertaining to demoniac traits, such as anger, greed, attachment, jealousy, passion, hypocrisy, deceit etc., they all come under the umbrella of pride, because pride is their king. If you do not give up pride then how will anger go away! Therefore give up that pride.

Now what is the means of giving up that pride ? Those who do not listen to you, they are helping you in getting rid of your pride, and those who listen and do as you say, they are boosting your ego and pride - are you getting this point or not? The people who are obeying you are not benefiting you as much as, those who don’t do as you say. For your own good, the more that your pride is confronted, the better it is for you. Therefore you must be grateful to those who are not listening to you, because as such this is for your own good. If they knowingly do not listen to you, saying that brother, we are not listening to you because it is for your own good, as your pride will go away, then too it is to your benefit only. They are not further inflating your pride i.e. your pride is not getting further bloated.

Do you wish for what is for your good or do you not? Do you want your spiritual progress or do you want your downfall? If you desire your spiritual growth, then it will be possible only when you are free of pride. And you will become free of pride, when no one listens to you. If someone listens to you, then your words become established and this itself is cause for pride. This pride is a demoniac tendency -

“dambho darpobhimaanashrav krodhah” (Gita 16/4).

to be continued...............

‒ From book “Art of Living” in English  by Swami Ramsukhdasji

|| Shri Hari ||

How to Overcome Anger

Just as you learn to keep accounts, and when you learn the key elements of accounting then tracking becomes very easy. Similarly there is a main point, the key element, the root of every question, and if you learn this then the answer to that question will automatically come to you. The question that has come is that how to overcome anger? Then the question really is, where does anger come from? Gita says -

“Anger comes from desire” -

“kaamaatkrodhaayabhijaayate”

(Gita 2/62).

What is that anger? Human beings have understood that “desires are for money, wealth, grandeur, power, etc.” - These are also desires, but what is the main desire?

“This should happen and this should not happen” -

The name of this subtle want is called “desire”. First you hold on to the point that “this should certainly happen” and when that does not happen, then you become angry.  And “This should not happen” and when someone does that or does something opposing to your wishes, then you get angry. This should happen and this should not happen, this is the root of all anger. There is no gain in desiring that it should happen like this, or it should not happen like this; because will the world ask us before doing something? Will they do according to your liking? You want from your wife, son and servant that they should listen to you, then do they not wish the same of you? If they have nothing on their mind then they will do as you say, but in their minds too there is that thought that “ I will do it this way or not do it this way” then how will they listen only to you? When you too are not willing to listen to them regarding how they want things done, then what rights do you have that they should listen to your ways? Therefore when the feeling arises within that “This should happen like this and it should not happen like this” - then leave the insistence that the person should do it like that alone. In this insistence is your pride, in other words, I am greater, therefore he should listen to me. This pride of greatness is the main cause, and when things do not happen the way you want, then that pride itself comes in the form of anger.

to be continued...............

‒ From book “Art of Living” in English  by Swami Ramsukhdasji

|| Shri Hari ||

Duties in a Household Life

 continued

Question -  What should the parents do if their sons don’t serve them in their old age ?  

Answer -  continued......

In every sphere there is a need for renunciation.  Peace immediately follows renunciation.  It is a great austerity to remain pleased in unfavorable circumstances.  Austerity rather than comfort or convenience purifies the heart.  The desire for comfort or convenience makes the heart impure.   Therefore, instead of a desire to get comfort,  a man should provide comfort to others with his mind, speech and body.  

Question -  What should the members of a family do in order to provide peace to the departed soul and to do away with their bereavement ?

Answer -  1)  They should offer ‘Narayanabali’  and obsequious oblation for departed soul.   2)  Whenever there is the memory of the dead person,  the members of the family should behold him at the feet of God.   3)  In his name there should be recitation of the Gita,  the recitation of the Bhagavata (in a week),  the recitation of the Ramcharitamanasa (in nine days),  loud chanting of the divine name of the Lord.    4)  Sweets should be distributed among the poor children in the name of the dead person.  Children are pleased with sweets.  Their pleasure provides peace to the departed soul, as well as, to the members of the family.  

Bereavement should not be an obstacle in attending divine discourses, programmes pertaining to the Lord’s divine tales, chanting the divine name, going to temples and going for pilgrimage;  they should certainly perform those divine ceremonies.  Out of them,  there is great glory of the divine discourses as they remove all kinds of sadness.   

Narayan !     Narayan !! Narayan !!!

From book "How to Lead a Household Life" by Swami Ramsukhdasji

|| Shri Hari |

Duties in a Household Life

 continued

Question -  What should the parents do if their sons don’t serve them in their old age ?  

Answer -  In such cases parents should have no affinity (leave all attachment, sense of mine-ness) for their sons.   They should hold that they are not our sons.  They feel sad only because they expect to receive pleasures-facilities and comforts from the members of their family.   

‘Aasha hi param dukham, niraashyam paramam sukham’   

If the parents expect nothing from the children, they will become happy.  So they should  renounce this sense of expectation and should think that by God’s grace they have received this golden opportunity of austerity in the form of unfavorable circumstances;  and if the members of their family begin to serve them,  they would get entangled in parental affection infatuation.  But God by His grace did not let them get entangled in it !   

Man should renounce such expectations,  and should see the lack of facilities and conveniences as a form a austerity.   Man should feel thankful to God,   that he has received His great kindness to do the austerities by himself,  and not let man get entangled anywhere.  He has removed all obstacles and is leading us to salvation.  

Man gets entangled in attachment and sense of mine-ness.  These infatuations or attachment are an obstacle to spiritual progress.  Man should feel grateful and indebted towards those who help in removing those obstacles -  thinking it is for our supreme good,  their grace is showering on us !    

If a man receives service from the members of his family throughout his life, he has a keener desire to receive service from them in his old age also (because of his physical incapability).  Therefore he should be cautious and careful from the very beginning,  by thinking that the human life has not been bestowed upon him for taking service from others,  but my aim is to render service to everyone such as gods, sages and saints, manes, beasts and birds and God etc.  So we should not expect to receive any comfort or convenience from anyone.   from the very beginning, If we don’t receive any comfort or convenience from anyone, we shall not feel sad if no one provides us with comfort or convenience and serves us in our old age.  The feeling of rendering service to others will rouse in our mind.   

(to be continued....... ) 

 ‒From the book ‘Jeevan ka Kartavya' by Swami Ramsukhdasji